Sense of self

Whether you base your self identity in the world or in God I think it is inevitable that you will now and again lose that sense of self through distraction or disappointment.

Being a mother has been a very high calling: one that I feel at times unqualified for yet still in great pursuit of success. We have had our guinea pig baby and are now on to the second. My sense of self seems lost a lot of the time. I struggle to see anything other than my son's inquisitive eyes or baby girl's vulnerable face. There is never a moment when I am not thinking of these kids and I believe that is what makes me their mother.

I'm 25 years old and seemingly a young mommy. I think I'd be vacillating between jobs and career choices if I weren't raising children. I'm sure there would be something incredibly exhausting in solely pursuing a career, but the grass is always greener and I'm positive my patience and level of sacrifice is experiencing a greater strain being a mom.

I would hate for my kids to know I was unhappy at times while they were little. I would never trade these experiences for anything. It is hard to watch myself be selfish in front of my children---hard to be humbled before them. It is difficult to know when to steal the time to be selfish for strengthening purposes. It's true some times I just need like two hours outside of home to reset and find that new energy to be creative and more tender-hearted with Daniel.

I couldn't ask for a more gentle spirited baby. Sophia has been such an easy-going baby, I hate to be superstitious and think that the worst is yet to come. She is completely opposite of the needy and complicated labels generalized for baby girls...unless I've been under the wrong impression. She actually smiles more than cries everyday. She gets distracted from eating and can't stop smiling at times...I thought babies this young only had hunger in mind.

The greatest strain of my self is in the desire for security and safety with having children. Because they are completely dependent on me and Adam the weight of care and awareness is heightened. My purpose on earth is heightened and therefore my life and health are of great importance. I have never felt more necessary on earth until I had children and furthermore never felt more dependent on God to protect us from the sin and danger of this world.

In considering all this on an everyday basis I am constantly exhausted and maybe not trusting/relying on God enough. I have put most of my dreams and self ambitions on hold or reserve and have assumed this role as my greatest calling yet. Being a mother is tough. I hate to complain. I am still such a newsie and hoping to truly embrace motherhood with great pride.

She's here! She's here!

Baby Sophia Marie Smith was born on August 29th, 2008 in the wee hours of the night (morning) at 12:54am. Labor was eventful and an experience I have never encountered even though this was baby number two. She had her own plan for arrival and although it strained my overall tolerance for pain it was quick.

Just over 6.5 pounds and still growing into her skin Sophia is already a night owl....that's how she came into the world too. She eats well and sleeps hard during the day. Already seeming like a content baby we're praying her gentle spirit continues, but prepared for whatever the Lord wills.

She initially didn't appear to look at all like Daniel and actually seemed to resemble my sister as an infant. So the breakdown from what we can tell now is that she has Adam's toes, Amelia's eyes, somebody's ridiculously long fingers....that's all we can tell.

Daniel is adjusting well it seems. He's deffinitely felt the change in attention or at least the need ot be more careful around the house now that there's a little baby here. He loves to hug and kiss Sophia and unfortunately poke her eyes.

We're all doing well and adjusting to this new life, but glad to be onto this next exciting phase of life. Praise God for a healthy baby girl and so far easy post-partum. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers.

No, the baby is not here yet

I am due on August 30th...that is this Saturday. I have elected to be induced but that did not work out today and has made me nervous about the convenience, organization and overall proceedure of labor and delivery at Winter Park Hopsital which has been inundated with active labor women all day and likely into the night. God wants me to wait. Sophia would like to chill out in my womb for like another 3 weeks maybe. Daniel would like to go all places all the time and I can't keep up with him. I'm impatient, I know, but there is no telling whether she'll come on her due date so it's not's as if three days will pass and boom! the waiting is over. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh!

SMILE!

This picture cracks me up. I have never gotten such a HUGE smile out of Daniel when taking a picture. The teeth, the hair....he's too much.

Waiting for baby

We have most everything ready for baby now, we just need the baby! We've been putting a diaper on this stuffed lion of Daniel's to show him about babies. He's not as gentle with the "baby" as I'd like, but I'm sure a live baby will be very different for him.

34+ weeks and 6 more to go. We'll keep you posted.

Daniel's Swimming Lessons

....more or less a drowning prevention course. We signed him up when he was 15 months old and he learned the techniques wonderfully. After the winter he forgot the method and lost confidence in the water. So after 3 weeks of refresher classes now 26 months old he is back in familiar territory. At the end of the course they test him in both summer and winter clothes...

Reasons for Unexcused baby weight

late night bowls of Apple Jacks! A lot of pregnant women revert to chewing ice late at night to curb the cravings....and I do this most nights, however sometimes I just can't resist a useless carb high of sugary Apple Jacks.

Entertaining a 2 year old

...the greatest challenge I've faced recently. It's not necessarily the lack of ideas it's just the lack of energy needed to sustain his ever attention desiring heart. Dad asks, "How's the little blonde tornado?" and it couldn't be a better metaphor. He's not so much into breaking things and but the speed and potential for disaster is easily present.

So splash parks, and really anything to do with water have been a great compromise...not any on his part. Plus with the hot hot sun pouring down on us now I couldn't feel better about him running around as long as he stays cool.

It's amazing the inescapable expense you could go to in order to entertain a child. It's ridiculous actually and so the 2nd level of challenge is to find things to do on a regular basis that don't burn a hole in our pockets. Hence the reason for this arrangement.....

....he won't know how lame it really was until he's like 4 or 5. For now my roasting pan makes for an excellent mini splash park, especially when I get the bubble machine rolling, haven't seen bubbles AND fountains anywhere...but I haven't been to Disney in a while either.

Life is good with a little bit of creativity and some odds and ends.

New Home, increased exhaustion

After a tiring week we finally transferred the last of all our belongings to the 3rd floor apartment. It's spacious and feels good, but I'm reluctant to get too cozy since we're planning to find a house by the new year.

Exhausted.....the best word to describe the way life feels right now. I think it must be the pregnancy, but parenting has proven to be one of the most excruciating challenges lately.

I've been worried that I must appear tired and un-enthused about baby #2. I don't know how I'm going to do it and I know I will not be alone but I fear my human limits of patience and flexibility. Of course God does not let it stand at that - human limits. I am limited but not without a great force of support and love on my side. I really must grow about 4 more spiritual limbs in order to take on two children and still maintain some independent identity. I will hold baby and ruthless toddler in my two arms and pray for strength constantly.

The Police

We saw The Police play at the Amway Center this past weekend and it was every bit as incredible as I had hoped. I wasn't too fond of the opening band (Elvis Costello) my apologies to those of you who are Costello fans.

Between Costello and The Police was a drastic set change of instruments and equipment. Oddly enough The Police set was less elaborate than Costello save the drums and percussion section. They were set all on the same level of the stage drums center back, Sting front left and Andy Summers front right.

The minute the lights were killed and three silhouettes entered the stage was absolutely thrilling. They broadcast a big screen view of the band just behind the stage for those of us sitting a quarter of a mile away. Beginning with a softer song the name of which escapes me Sting was perched on a stool with a small classical guitar of sorts looking hardly as old as I think he is. It was surreal to behold this phenominal trio of musicians who hadn't performed like this since I was too young to walk. They played a thoroughly satisfying collection of classics, Message in a Bottle, Walking on the Moon, Can't Stand Loosing You, Roxanne, De Do Do Do De Da Da Da, Don't Stand So Close to Me, Every Little Thing She Does is Magic, Every Breath You Take. Each song was accompanied by a show of lights that was simply hypnotising.

Sting is the most enthusiastic performer I have ever encountered. He was believably excited to encounter the fans of Orlando and rallied us on throughout the whole performance. Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland were likewise entertaining their wit and skill on stage. One element I was particularly surprised to notice was Sting's bass, it looked like a blankie he had had since kindergarten it was so worn. I imagined it was his baby and it certainly played like it was loyal to his hands. I've read his autobiography and I can't seem to recall the story behind his bass and whether he uses just one or not. Andy Summers seemed to stick to one guitar as well for most of the show. It was just reaffirming of their talent to be able to stick with one instrument throughout the performance.

Honestly words cannot describe what my ears heard but it was every bit as magical as I could've have imagined. So thank you to my husband for splurging on my behalf for my birthday this year and allowing us the opportunity to see The Police in concert.

Life is Hectic...moving again

Apart from the pregnancyDanielworkdomesticroutine we are now moving, trying to buy a home of our own by the new year and hoping to maintain a good family connection in the midst of it all.



We move into a bigger apartment for a temporary lease that brings us to the beginning of January next year. This apartment happens to be within the same complex however on the 3rd floor (we're currently on the ground floor). Everybody says it's a beast climbing stairs to get home, but I'm sort of looking forward to the default exercise. This will be the 4th time we've moved in 3 years.



Upon researching Florida Housing Assistance programs I was able to meet with two counselors that said we qualify for government assistance. If possible we can qualify for a mortgage with down payment assistance by January of next year. The idea of finally owning a home is incredibly exciting and somewhat intimidating for Adam and me. Mostly it would be nice to gain some equity and have a regular neighborhood and backyard for our soon to be two children. Hopefully we will be able to secure everythin necessary to move into a house!

Family Additions

Here is the most current photo of Smithlett #2. Expected to make his or her debut around August 31st, 2008 Pregnancy seems to be normal. We will know the gender by mid-April.

We've been re-evalutating our space in the anticipation of another little one. We're praying that God will provide the most suitable home for our family.

Daniel has no idea of the baby in Mommy's belly. He knows "baby" and "belly" but cannot understand that they go together. We're hoping he doesn't suffer too much from the shift in attention shared with a little brother or sister.

The Daniel Saga Continues

Today Daniel ate well after I gave him some cucumber dipping sauce to go along with his sandwich. He absolutely loved it! Getting this one to eat a whole meal is like he's being taken to the doctor for a shot sometimes. Praise God for cucumber dip!

Then I bought him a mini traffic cone at the Home Depot and he fell in love with it. I had to pry it out of his hands so he would go to bed, otherwise I think he would try to cuddle with it 'til he fell asleep.

Simple things like this make a world of difference in my attempt to maintain sanity while trying to appease a 20-month old tot.