Venting

Mistakes have become so expensive lately, it's like the world's greatest means of revenue - overdraft fees, late fees, break lease fees, HOA VIOLATION FEES!!! Things like this really encourage my cynicism when I am really struggling to be hopeful and certainly more patient with God's plan.

To give you some idea we have had some unfortunate mishaps whether due to our disorganization of time or just plain fraudulent robbery. It's like bumping your head on the same low door frame everyday. My sin nature wants to point the finger and blame blame blame that blasted door frame for existing right where my spacial awareness is blind but that's ridiculous.

We are victim to about $6200+ worth of these insane violations and fraudulent occurrences and it's all happened as we have made the greatest headway to reduce our debt. I admit I am maybe worshiping the day when I can confidently say "I don't owe any money to anyone!" The point at which what comes into our bank goes entirely toward our future and not a penny recovering our mistakes from the past. Is this possible? Is there some deeper lesson to be observed from this constant reality of debt?

I hate unmarked letters for this reason; they make my heart jump into my throat and choke me. This is the money devil isn't it? They say you can't be buried with your money but when you die who gets left with your debt? Yes I am indulging my cynicism now.

2010 Full Force Ahead

It is always amazing to look back and observe the period of waiting both with humiliation and with hindsight and thankfulness for God's blessing.

As many of you know Adam finally found a job just before Christmas which allowed us to enjoy the holidays with a little more peace.

We are also expecting kiddo #3 in June which has also been a challenge to our ability to cope with the longer-than-expected period of unemployment.

Adam begins at UCF next week stepping closer toward his degree in Electrical Engineering. Meanwhile this new job is a super thrill for him working with military defense training and exhausting his skills and aptitude with a group of guys from all military, engineering and technical backgrounds. The job has been a wonderful answer to prayers prayed even 5 years ago when Adam was first entering the civilian career field after his tour with the Navy. We prayed for something relevant and chock full of skill building experience for his degree pursuit. I'm really thrilled for him.

I am slowly and somewhat diligently pursuing a degree less than quarter time right now. Recently I've been more anxious to develop some sort of trade in addition to my first love of Art History. The idea of juggling the schooling with three little ones frightens me, but I've seen God make anything happen over the last ten years and I have faith He will make the time and opportunity available as it pleases Him. I'm considering a degree in Radiology Sciences for the purpose of becoming a technician as my "trade".

I know these years with small kids will go fast. I already experience the rush of their change and maturity. My main goal right now is to keep it together while I'm still learning how to be a parent and to multiple children. Something tells me I'm going to be learning until my kids have kids.

So if you think of me or Adam just pray that we can make a God-glorifying juggle of marriage, survival and parenthood. One day at a time has never been more real to me. The process of sanctification is abrupt at times and a relief to my worldview in respect to the many circumstances in this life which are entirely out of my hands.

Letting God be God.

Four years in the making

Daniel Dance

Separation Anxiety

It's here. Daddy's dreaded departure for almost 3 months straight. It is our rescue and the next greatest test of our faith.

We wrestled with the idea of Adam joining the Navy Reserves for a long time. We took into consideration the time commitment and potential life commitment that realistically exists serving in any branch or status with the military right now. We made a go of it in December '08 and Adam began his drill weekends in January. We were as a result able to eradicate 95% of our debt and now in the unexpected season of unemployment have this means of income to count on. The Lord works in every step of our lives.

Adam leaves this coming Sunday and we've been aware of these details for a while now. This afternoon he enlisted Daniel's help in packing his seabag. Daniel is so anxious to help and especially enjoys learning new words like, "seabag", "uniporms", and "Daddy going to work for the Naybee". It is so precious and heartbreaking to realize Daniel's fun now is preparing for a long separation from his daddy that he doesn't quite grasp yet. I felt it like a pit in my stomach just today, he's leaving in a matter of days now, it's really time to prepare.

We've setup our webcams in hopes to have opportunities to see and talk with Daddy. We're recording some of Daniel's favorite stories read by Daddy. We're in the graces of my parents while Adam is away and will have their help in Adam's absense. I have not prayed nearly as much or as seriously as I should though because this pit in my stomach is so disconnected from the peace that passeth all understanding.

My God, though our bodies are separated keep us close in one another's hearts. Help us to seek You during the heaviest moments of this separation. Help me to know that taking care of these precious energetic children is not only a high calling but one that I will not do alone or by my own strength. Keep Adam and I close and draw us closer through the distance. Help me to take greater trouble to love him with my words and support. Help me to reassure him of my strength through You to keep us safe and contented while he's gone. God You are my beginning and end, please keep your favor with me and lead me to greater faith and trust during these strenuous times. I love You Lord and Your perfect plan which was so sufficiently executed by Your only beloved Son. In Jesus' name. Amen.

The Physicality of our Faith

I've ascribed to the intellectual and verbal affirmation of faith in God since I was a little girl but it has not been until I was greatly challenged with life that I was able to affirm my faith in God's ultimate sovereignty.

Currently I do not have that sense of confidence in God's provision. I can tell you that I will rely on Him and I will encourage and remind anyone who I observe struggling to rely on His promise to provide for those who love Him, but my pulse and central nervous system is not engaged in that reassurance. I am not trusting and my body is the prime indicator of my lack of faith.

So now I pray. I pray for my mind to speak or maybe arrest my physical being in a way that will absorb God's promises and send a deep inflicting peace through my bones. I meditate on these things...

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:6-7

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will card for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Mat. 6:33-34

Blogettes

I get overwhlemed by the idea of blogging because I'm not a photographer with sweet photos that tell a story and not nearly as witty as some of these supermoms.

I have some cute kids though...

Uhh....lately I've been contemplating the lost definition or absurd developments of post-modern art. I'm taking an art history class right now hoping to determine whether or not I'd like to continue a degree pursuit in that field. It is slightly devistating to observe the multitude of artists and also art historians who have concluded that art today is best defined by the amount of shock value the piece or performance receives. Thought provoking art is one thing, but terrorizing the emotions is quite another. I don't need to explain anymore except to direct you to this piece by a recent Yale grad. Please note that the medium was entierly fabricated as the following report by FOX News