Disfigured

Recently I've been feeling misplaced, uncomfortable in my own skin, disfigured.  What I knew and what I thought I knew has altogether become a feeling of being lost in my physical world.  Sounds pretty intense I guess but I'm never sold on the absolute temptation of those feelings. 

I'm not sold because of this:

2 Corinthians 5:1 For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.

My personal mantra: "This is not my

home, this is not my home..."

My physical heart beats for these lives:

They are the greatest call to my faith and willingness to stand against the strongest waves of earthly disillusion.  I imagine they themselves will inflict a great sense of disillusion and I will disillusion them with my human incapacity.  

But God...

"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8:38-39

Amen

Art Journey

Current creative musings...

Joys and Healing

It's been a season of changes since this little one arrived.  Eli Raynor my high warrior is so tender toward his momma.  I won't be anxious to see this one grow up.  What a joy to my cast down heart.  I love you boy and so do your brother and sisters

These Gals

It is an incredible thing to realize how long and through what trials we can remain connected with people.  The faces in this photo represent a great deal of life endurance and journey through spiritual growth some yet to be discovered.  I am eternally grateful to friends who have walked through bitter moments with me and made courageous statements to help me see the Lord's mercy in spite of all things appearing grim.  Chosing honesty over personal comfort.  Applying love and care where it has been neglected.  Nurturing one another through fellowship in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ.  Remembering who we were and who we are transforming into through God's grace.  These journeys are hardly concluded.  I love you gals, stay close.

Inspiration with ITC

I'm one of those numerous dorks who wants to go to London and check off

üpicture with red phone booth 

I also want to ride a double decker but that's not part of this thought.

I struggle being content with our very modest life (and not modest at all compared to the daily misfortune of others).  I don't care about luxury or gadgets as much as I wish for the opportunity to travel.  I don't dream of some fluffy vacation, but simply the opportunity to behold more of God's creation.

I'm of the belief that you can't truly appreciate another place unless you've actually spent some time learning the cultural customs and social norms of that foreign place.  So going to London simply to get a shot of Big Ben and ride a double decker are not exactly cultural experiences, however they are icons of that culture's history and something to appreciate.  As a visual person I mentally store these "icons" and desire to one day see them first-hand outside of someone else's lens or interpretation.

Since I'm not booking any flights to London in the near future I will adapt my own imaginative interpretation of some of these icons...I could call it : "A Study of Cultural Icons".  I haven't settled on a medium yet, but paint seems inevitable.

So I have established my intent to create (ITC) here and hope to show my results in the near future..... 

Just Not So....for now

I recently found out that I will be waiting another year to attempt acceptance into the Radiography program. It's been a little disappointing. Since I began the program I knew this particular point would be the most uncertain since there are only 20 students accepted each year. I am like a sitting duck for another year - sitting figuratively; there's plenty to keep busy with in the meantime... Immediately I'm desperate to start a new project, but I have a house full already. I don't know what has come over me, but suddenly the walls are like the next best thing to a big expensive canvas and I wanna' paint! I'm not a painter so I don't know what the heck I'm thinking, but it might get a little interesting in here in the next couple weeks. I gave up dying my hair almost a year ago. I used to change the color and cut every 6 months. I think the change itch is now coming over me in a new way. I like the fact that if I goof up the wall I can easily start over - an immediate forgiveness to my fear of self-made disaster. I should keep the wall color on hand so I can do all this before Adam gets home from work. The kids will still rat me out: "Mommy painted this ugly thing on the wall!" So far I've painted the kitchen and a faux brick portion of the wall under the counter. I don't have any new ideas yet.

Plain Jane

I can't help but fall into the temptation of thinking we live a relatively plain life. Our goals are honestly to live each day to it's fullest and that's pretty much how each day transpires - full and -est and etc. (bedtime).

We've spent the last 10 years grasping perspective while the advance stages of parenting have all at once assumed position. God help us as we raise these babes while feeling constantly inexperienced. I don't know that we could attach anymore extraordinary circumstances to the ordinarily complicated ones we already have. I'm not just speaking about parenting but adding other ventures to making ends meat, surviving this world and doing it all for God's glory -- that is what I've come to observe is not enough of a challenge for some.

I spent my early adulthood signing up and volunteering for way more than I was able to undertake. It required a heap of burning failure and stalled ambition in order to realize that I could only give so much. Having three children has enacted a maternal self-awareness that has forced me to filter through these vast "opportunities" in order to maintain the strength and energy my children need from me on a daily basis.

So I am tempted to ask, "Is what I'm doing enough? Counted as worthy? Equivalently self-sacrificing?"


I'm a stay-at-home mom. I am a student. I am a spouse - a military spouse - and therefore a single parent at times. I am a survivor of once paralyzing anxiety and depression. I am a Christian in a world that despises absolute truth. I am ordinary and that's about all I can manage right now - by the grace the God.