EDD - estimated due date

Recently I read that the estimated due date is not entirely accurate in determining baby's arrival, but somehow all our hopes, planning and and expectations revolve around this day and when it passes some mom's become really discouraged. In the past I have been vastly disappointed exceeding even 38 weeks gestation and grown impatient with every additional day I remained carrying. At the end of my last pregnancy with Sophia I was really disappointed with myself for having a really rotten disposition through the last couple months.

Today I reached 40 weeks - my EDD and I don't feel anxious or disappointed...yet. I prayed a lot in this pregnancy to have some courage toward the end. I'm also more pregnant than I've ever been not having ever reached the official 40 weeks; I feel sort of accomplished in making it this far. Now it really is up to baby to let me know when she's ready. Somehow I have peace about this that I've never had before. Only took three pregnancies to find contentment...

My greatest concerns now are just to remain patient with courage to face the final birthing marathon which will also be an entirely new experience for me. I know women of every race and culture birth babies all the time and everyone's method of managing the discomfort varies. I pray that I will know what to do when the time comes, when to lay off and relax and when to gear up and be brave.

Sweet Sophia

She's brazen and the most confident little miss I've ever encountered and she's not even voicing opinions yet.....

I am regularly moved by Sophia's cheery disposition and especially on her off days. She has a way of sounding, looking and showing her sweetness that is SO feminine and I cannot take any credit. She encapsulates sugar and spice and everything nice!

The waiting game

Having exercised little patience during my last month pregnant with Sophia I have committed my entire pregnancy with Leona to a greater effort toward patience and contentment. Ask my husband and parents and they may tell you differently, but I AM trying to be cooler about this one.

At 38 weeks I feel no signs of labor only increased heaviness and the inhibition of physical strength to make life fun for my kids right now. As a result they're watching more TV/movie replays than I would prefer. Don't even ask how much we're frequenting meals out and McDees.

This pregnancy will also be different in that I have been seeing a midwife and planned to deliver at a birthing center unmedicated. Mostly because I hate being trapped at the hospital and all the opinionated nurses who tell me what I feel or how ready I am to go home. No offense to L&D and post-partum nurses, but ya'll have a professional committment to hospital procedure which is primarily developed due to liability issues that do not pertain to every birthing mother and when I bring my babe into the world I don't want to be lumped into that scenario anymore.

The idea of adding a third munchkin to our family has been alarming and uncertain, but that's pretty much how all of our children have entered our life - bringing Mommy and Daddy to the cross and seeking God's provision and wisdom. Although our family planning has been anything but, God has apparently had a plan all this time and that is reassuring to me. Really the last several years have been very much a matter of God's planning apart from mine or Adam's there's no telling what the next several more will bring. God is always present and always promising our protection with unconditional love and that is absolutely enough to calm the most uncertain of times.

Photo diary: D's birthday @ 35 weeks prego

Leona Renee Smith

Finally a name for this little one. It has been a longer decision process than I/we expected. So why Leona?

Leona is the feminine form of Leon which is latin for "lion". I've been taking an Ancient Classical Humanities class this semester and culturally the image of a lion resembles that of power. So when we considered the middle name we wanted it to coincide with a powerful concept like "grace", "faith" or "truth". BTW Vera is a lovely Slavic name which means "faith; truth". The name Leona is pretty dated (hasn't really been popular since the turn of the 20th Century). Yes, except for Miss Leona Lewis the british pop star who won't quit bleeding everywhere...this was a brief reason to debate the name, but I pushed through it.

Renee is French and means "reborn" which is appropriate for our desire to see our children each turn their life to the Lord and be born again for His glory.

Any Smith would agree, you have to dress that last name up very carefully and with our recent adventures in identity theft because of Adam's name I felt confirmed in this regard.

Leona Renee Smith (rhythmic pattern 3-2-1) feels flowy in the right way. It's certainly better than calling her baby #3 or Tutti which was Daniel's suggestion for a name.

It's really only for these massively intimidating and permanent decisions that I deliberate so much. I'm pretty sure that's why all our kids have been unplanned because I don't think I would have come to a time of certainty about having a baby.....just plowed right in.

The Kids in February

Venting

Mistakes have become so expensive lately, it's like the world's greatest means of revenue - overdraft fees, late fees, break lease fees, HOA VIOLATION FEES!!! Things like this really encourage my cynicism when I am really struggling to be hopeful and certainly more patient with God's plan.

To give you some idea we have had some unfortunate mishaps whether due to our disorganization of time or just plain fraudulent robbery. It's like bumping your head on the same low door frame everyday. My sin nature wants to point the finger and blame blame blame that blasted door frame for existing right where my spacial awareness is blind but that's ridiculous.

We are victim to about $6200+ worth of these insane violations and fraudulent occurrences and it's all happened as we have made the greatest headway to reduce our debt. I admit I am maybe worshiping the day when I can confidently say "I don't owe any money to anyone!" The point at which what comes into our bank goes entirely toward our future and not a penny recovering our mistakes from the past. Is this possible? Is there some deeper lesson to be observed from this constant reality of debt?

I hate unmarked letters for this reason; they make my heart jump into my throat and choke me. This is the money devil isn't it? They say you can't be buried with your money but when you die who gets left with your debt? Yes I am indulging my cynicism now.