Daniel Dance

Separation Anxiety

It's here. Daddy's dreaded departure for almost 3 months straight. It is our rescue and the next greatest test of our faith.

We wrestled with the idea of Adam joining the Navy Reserves for a long time. We took into consideration the time commitment and potential life commitment that realistically exists serving in any branch or status with the military right now. We made a go of it in December '08 and Adam began his drill weekends in January. We were as a result able to eradicate 95% of our debt and now in the unexpected season of unemployment have this means of income to count on. The Lord works in every step of our lives.

Adam leaves this coming Sunday and we've been aware of these details for a while now. This afternoon he enlisted Daniel's help in packing his seabag. Daniel is so anxious to help and especially enjoys learning new words like, "seabag", "uniporms", and "Daddy going to work for the Naybee". It is so precious and heartbreaking to realize Daniel's fun now is preparing for a long separation from his daddy that he doesn't quite grasp yet. I felt it like a pit in my stomach just today, he's leaving in a matter of days now, it's really time to prepare.

We've setup our webcams in hopes to have opportunities to see and talk with Daddy. We're recording some of Daniel's favorite stories read by Daddy. We're in the graces of my parents while Adam is away and will have their help in Adam's absense. I have not prayed nearly as much or as seriously as I should though because this pit in my stomach is so disconnected from the peace that passeth all understanding.

My God, though our bodies are separated keep us close in one another's hearts. Help us to seek You during the heaviest moments of this separation. Help me to know that taking care of these precious energetic children is not only a high calling but one that I will not do alone or by my own strength. Keep Adam and I close and draw us closer through the distance. Help me to take greater trouble to love him with my words and support. Help me to reassure him of my strength through You to keep us safe and contented while he's gone. God You are my beginning and end, please keep your favor with me and lead me to greater faith and trust during these strenuous times. I love You Lord and Your perfect plan which was so sufficiently executed by Your only beloved Son. In Jesus' name. Amen.

The Physicality of our Faith

I've ascribed to the intellectual and verbal affirmation of faith in God since I was a little girl but it has not been until I was greatly challenged with life that I was able to affirm my faith in God's ultimate sovereignty.

Currently I do not have that sense of confidence in God's provision. I can tell you that I will rely on Him and I will encourage and remind anyone who I observe struggling to rely on His promise to provide for those who love Him, but my pulse and central nervous system is not engaged in that reassurance. I am not trusting and my body is the prime indicator of my lack of faith.

So now I pray. I pray for my mind to speak or maybe arrest my physical being in a way that will absorb God's promises and send a deep inflicting peace through my bones. I meditate on these things...

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:6-7

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will card for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Mat. 6:33-34

Blogettes

I get overwhlemed by the idea of blogging because I'm not a photographer with sweet photos that tell a story and not nearly as witty as some of these supermoms.

I have some cute kids though...

Uhh....lately I've been contemplating the lost definition or absurd developments of post-modern art. I'm taking an art history class right now hoping to determine whether or not I'd like to continue a degree pursuit in that field. It is slightly devistating to observe the multitude of artists and also art historians who have concluded that art today is best defined by the amount of shock value the piece or performance receives. Thought provoking art is one thing, but terrorizing the emotions is quite another. I don't need to explain anymore except to direct you to this piece by a recent Yale grad. Please note that the medium was entierly fabricated as the following report by FOX News

Sense of self

Whether you base your self identity in the world or in God I think it is inevitable that you will now and again lose that sense of self through distraction or disappointment.

Being a mother has been a very high calling: one that I feel at times unqualified for yet still in great pursuit of success. We have had our guinea pig baby and are now on to the second. My sense of self seems lost a lot of the time. I struggle to see anything other than my son's inquisitive eyes or baby girl's vulnerable face. There is never a moment when I am not thinking of these kids and I believe that is what makes me their mother.

I'm 25 years old and seemingly a young mommy. I think I'd be vacillating between jobs and career choices if I weren't raising children. I'm sure there would be something incredibly exhausting in solely pursuing a career, but the grass is always greener and I'm positive my patience and level of sacrifice is experiencing a greater strain being a mom.

I would hate for my kids to know I was unhappy at times while they were little. I would never trade these experiences for anything. It is hard to watch myself be selfish in front of my children---hard to be humbled before them. It is difficult to know when to steal the time to be selfish for strengthening purposes. It's true some times I just need like two hours outside of home to reset and find that new energy to be creative and more tender-hearted with Daniel.

I couldn't ask for a more gentle spirited baby. Sophia has been such an easy-going baby, I hate to be superstitious and think that the worst is yet to come. She is completely opposite of the needy and complicated labels generalized for baby girls...unless I've been under the wrong impression. She actually smiles more than cries everyday. She gets distracted from eating and can't stop smiling at times...I thought babies this young only had hunger in mind.

The greatest strain of my self is in the desire for security and safety with having children. Because they are completely dependent on me and Adam the weight of care and awareness is heightened. My purpose on earth is heightened and therefore my life and health are of great importance. I have never felt more necessary on earth until I had children and furthermore never felt more dependent on God to protect us from the sin and danger of this world.

In considering all this on an everyday basis I am constantly exhausted and maybe not trusting/relying on God enough. I have put most of my dreams and self ambitions on hold or reserve and have assumed this role as my greatest calling yet. Being a mother is tough. I hate to complain. I am still such a newsie and hoping to truly embrace motherhood with great pride.

She's here! She's here!

Baby Sophia Marie Smith was born on August 29th, 2008 in the wee hours of the night (morning) at 12:54am. Labor was eventful and an experience I have never encountered even though this was baby number two. She had her own plan for arrival and although it strained my overall tolerance for pain it was quick.

Just over 6.5 pounds and still growing into her skin Sophia is already a night owl....that's how she came into the world too. She eats well and sleeps hard during the day. Already seeming like a content baby we're praying her gentle spirit continues, but prepared for whatever the Lord wills.

She initially didn't appear to look at all like Daniel and actually seemed to resemble my sister as an infant. So the breakdown from what we can tell now is that she has Adam's toes, Amelia's eyes, somebody's ridiculously long fingers....that's all we can tell.

Daniel is adjusting well it seems. He's deffinitely felt the change in attention or at least the need ot be more careful around the house now that there's a little baby here. He loves to hug and kiss Sophia and unfortunately poke her eyes.

We're all doing well and adjusting to this new life, but glad to be onto this next exciting phase of life. Praise God for a healthy baby girl and so far easy post-partum. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers.

No, the baby is not here yet

I am due on August 30th...that is this Saturday. I have elected to be induced but that did not work out today and has made me nervous about the convenience, organization and overall proceedure of labor and delivery at Winter Park Hopsital which has been inundated with active labor women all day and likely into the night. God wants me to wait. Sophia would like to chill out in my womb for like another 3 weeks maybe. Daniel would like to go all places all the time and I can't keep up with him. I'm impatient, I know, but there is no telling whether she'll come on her due date so it's not's as if three days will pass and boom! the waiting is over. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh!